God Box

For those of you that don’t know, I do accounting for a company in Mooresville. So for 32 hours a week, I sit at a desk, in a far too quiet office, in front of a computer screen. Sometimes it feels like a sick form of torture, just torture that gives good benefits and pays the bills. So for that reason, I try to keep my complaining at a minimum. But man! It can be grueling. But because it is so quiet in the office, I have started listening to podcasts during the workday. It makes time go by much faster and it helps me to not feel so unproductive.

Earlier this week, I was listening to one where Mary Lou Quinlan was being interviewed about her book “The God Box: Sharing My Mother’s Gift of Faith, Love and Letting Go.” Amazon.com’s book description says, “After her mother passed away, Mary Lou went searching for the God Box. But rather than one box, Quinlan found 10 containers stuffed with hundreds of origami-like folded papers. Covering the last 20 years of her mother’s life, the notes contained a treasure of brief prayers for family, friends, and people she had never even met. Note by note, Quinlan discovered the greatest lesson her mother could impart: the importance of letting go in order to live.”

Before the interview ended, I had already written down my first prayer and I was scanning my room, in my head, trying to find an old shoe box. I have this thing where I feel like it is my responsibility and duty to take on people’s problems like they are my own, even when they don’t ask me to. And while that isn’t a “bad” thing, it isn’t “good” for me either. A lot of times I feel like I am carrying just too many worries on my shoulders. I care a lot for the people around me, but I want to care for them well. And I can’t care for them like I should if I feel constantly overwhelmed by the world and its problems.

We should be cheerleaders for our loved ones. We trick ourselves into thinking we can handle our concerns and others’ concerns all on our own. I am especially guilty of this. That is why I am in love with my God Box. I can write down whatever I am stressing over or upset over and put it in my box, and let it go. There are TONS of things we worry over on a daily basis, but how wonderful is the thought that we can turn those worries into a prayer and hand it over to stronger Hands. Whose Hands can and will fix them. Mary Lou’s greatest lesson that she learned from her mother was that we should inhale a worry, and exhale a prayer. And I love that! Now, I carry scrap paper and a pen with me everywhere.

Mary Lou mentioned in her interview that there is one rule with the God Box: if you put your prayer in your box, and that worry keeps coming up, then you take it out. Because you obviously haven’t let it go. I am at the beginning of having my box, and it’s hard to let go of all the junk in my life! It comes down to whether we trust God to take on our everyday and our deepest worries. For me, it’s different than talking and praying to God. I am writing my prayer down as I am praying to God about it, and I am physically letting it go. My God Box has already helped me.

Mentoring & Being Mentored

Finding someone who is older, wiser and more mature in their faith than you is so important when you are trying to live a set apart life for Christ. Seeking guidance from God through the trials in our life is first, but seeking guidance from a Christian mentor is crucial.

As humans, it is in our nature to feel like we can do it all by ourselves. We are incredibly flawed in that way. I mean we think we have all the right answers, so why do we need to ask for advice? We are scared to ask for help because we don’t want people to think we are weak. Pride is a dangerous and deadly thing. It can ruin you, your relationships and your accountability as a Christian.

What can we gain by reaching out to other people? Wisdom. When we go looking for advice in people who have been through life and all of its challenges, we gain knowledge and insight. We understand a little bit more about ourselves and our God.

In Genesis 2, God tells us a truth about ourselves. He says that “it is not good for man to be alone.” Why does he say this? When God created us, he created us to be social and to have relationships with others. And a huge part of those relationships is Christian mentoring. All Christians need to know the worth of a Christian man/woman to be mentored through their journey on Earth.

In my own journey, I am very lucky to have two women in my life that I can go to without hesitation. They both have beautiful hearts for God and I know that when I go to them they are going to encourage me and lead me to be more Christ honoring. Without these women in my life, I would not be the same child of God. I picture someone completely different than the person I am now. I do not doubt that God would have provided me with wisdom and knowledge, but I think that it would have been significantly less than the wisdom I have gained through those two women. They were and are in His perfect plan for my life.

 If you are going through a tough time in your life, I strongly urge you to reach out to someone smarter than you. Pray about who God will have you seek out. Pray for courage. Pray that your pride won’t make you blind to the fact that you need an earthly counselor. I promise you, there is someone out there that wants to invest in your life!

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Kelli & Leigh, I love you both so much and I would be a different woman of God without you.

 

whatta week!

I have had a somewhat challenging week. My car decided to break down on me Saturday, which of course resulted in a good deal of money being spent to repair it. Then I was battled a two day migraine that forced me to miss work. And last night, when I thought I had had my fill of misfortunes for one week… I checked my back account. I found that someone had got my bank information and had made numerous charges all adding up to $300. So I did what any level-headed human would do after all that. I cried. More like sobbed. It’s upsetting knowing someone can easily take the money you work so hard for.

But I serve a very big God. His love and mercies are infinite, just like every part of Him. As soon as I find out someone had stolen from me, my first instinct was to be angry with them. But instead I prayed for them and I asked God to help me forgive them. That’s what God’s love does to us. It allows us to let go of the hurtful things others do. Forgiveness is a hard thing to do without God. But as sons and daughters of Christ, we forgive so we can be forgiven. We forgive people even when they aren’t sorry. It’s true that God works through our hardships. The trials in this life bring us closer to heaven.

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Back and forth the trees go
Dancing as the wind blows
Hands raised as they shout for joy
The mountains and the hills know
The oceans, seas, and below
All creation raise their voice

Coalesce, my friends
Coalesce, my friends

Eyes gaze upon what’s true
Body spent but made new
Heart remains a state of bliss
Knowing without seeing
Yet seeing, now believing
Look around, you cannot miss

Coalesce, my friends
Coalesce, my friends

This is the story of the Son of God
Hanging on the cross for me
But it ends with a bride and groom
And a wedding by a glassy sea
O death where is your sting
Cause I’ll be there singing
Holy Holy Holy
Is the Lord

This is the story of a bride in white
Waiting on her wedding day
Anticipation welling up inside
While the groom is crowned as king
O death where is your sting
Cause we’ll be there singing
Holy Holy Holy is the Lord

Holy Holy Holy Holy Holy Holy
Is the Lord Almighty
Holy Holy Holy Holy Holy Holy
Is the Lord Almighty
Who was and is and is to come
Who was and is and is to come

This is the story of the Son of God
Hanging on the cross for me
And it ends with a bride and groom
And a wedding by a glassy sea

This is the story of the a bride in white
Singing on her wedding day
Of the God who was and is to stand before a bride who sings
Holy Holy Holy Holy Holy Holy is the Lord Almighty

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Revelation 7:16-17

16 ‘Never again will they hunger;
never again will they thirst.
The sun will not beat down on them,’
nor any scorching heat.
17 For the Lamb at the center of the throne
will be their shepherd;
‘he will lead them to springs of living water.’
‘And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.’”

Falling Plates

This is a powerful video about God’s infinite love for us. He never wants us to be separated from Him. He wants us to cling to Him. He came down from His throne in heaven to save us from death. He is the only way we can ever know true happiness.

I was showed this video last night. Maybe you have seen it, and I hope you have. But if you haven’t, take a few minutes to watch it.

12-11-10

I have been wanting to do a post about my Grandmommy and what she meant to me for a while now. But honestly, I have been putting it off because I knew that it would take me somewhere, emotionally, I usually try to avoid. If you knew her, you were a better person for it. Her love and personality were infectious. She was the most beautiful person I have ever known, inside and out. She loved the Lord more than anything and she was not quiet about her beliefs. I remember everything about her. I refuse to forget anything. She was much more than a grandmother to me. She was my friend, my role model, my caretaker… my constant. And my heart aches for her every single day. I have never known a pain like the pain of missing her.

December 11, 2010 she passed away after a three week stay in ICU at Wake Forest Baptist Medical Center. It was sudden and no one was prepared for it. My family and I were by her side when she died, and it was the most raw moment of my life. God has been working in my life since the day I was born, but on that day… I finally felt Him. When she died, I refused to believe that she was just gone. I could not believe that I would never see her again. I knew that the moment she gave her last breath, she was with God. She was with her momma and daddy and she was okay. But I wish that that was enough to make the pain go away.

Her memorial service and funeral went by, but I was numb. It all felt like a dream and that it wasn’t real. I mean our house looked the same. Everything was as she had left it. Her room still smelled like her. I guess you could say I was in denial, and I probably was. I kind of still think I am. The next six months were the worst of my life. I gave my life to Christ, but I didn’t really know what that meant or even what it looked like. Sometimes when people are trying to sell Christianity, they make it seem like once you put your trust in God, everything is all sunshine and happiness. But being a Christian is the hardest thing I have ever done with my life. In the first six months of being a believer, I was diagnosed with depression. I was battling something within myself that hurt so bad, I could never imagine that I would be happy again. But I cried and I prayed. And then I cried harder and I prayed harder.

God put people in my life that made it easier. Jarred and I started dating while Grandmommy was in the hospital. He was by my side every step of the way. He went to the hospital with me and would stay there all day and night long. I mean WHAT a way to start off a relationship. Two and a half years feels a lot like 10 years after everything we have been through together. Jarred is a big part of my story. He has been my closest friend since we started dating. God used him to lead me. Jarred showed me what being a Christian looked like. He cared about me unlike any boy ever had, at first I just thought he was really nice. But later I learned that he cared for me the way he did because of his love for Christ.

God pulled me out of my depression. That doesn’t mean that I don’t miss her or I’m not sad. I miss her more than anything. But I have full confidence that I will see her again one day. When I cry for her, it’s not because I am angry with God for taking her. I am simply being selfish and want her here with me again. But I know that where she is, she is the happiest she has ever been. God didn’t take her from me. He brought her home where she belongs. And one day he will call me home, and I will live my life in a way that is God honoring. For as long as I can remember Grandmommy always told me that I was her pride and joy. I mean, that phrase is etched in my brain and I will never forget it. She was proud of me, regardless of my short comings. She loved me like the Lord does. All I want for my life now it to still be her pride and joy, but moreso to be the Lord’s pride and joy.

December 11, 2010 was the worst and best day of my life. My life with Christ started with the death of my Grandmommy.

what is it that He has made you to love?

Whenever I first began a relationship with God, I had an overwhelming urge to just go somewhere, anywhere, and share why I am so in love with the One who saved me. I thought a great deal about selling my car and going overseas to be a missionary, but it just wasn’t the best timing for that. But I knew I had to do something, ANYTHING to let people know about the grace of God. So one day, I met with Brad Bucklad (Young Life of Iredell County’s Area Director) and shared my story. Brad was my Young Life leader while I was at Statesville High. So he knew me in my high school glory days, not well, but he knew enough. We met at Starbucks and I told him about how my life had changed, about why it changed, and what I wanted to do with this new life of mine. And after a couple months of praying and meetings, I was set to be one of four volunteer leaders that would be starting Young Life at South Iredell High School. It was exciting and scary all at the same time!

I really love high school kids. They make me a better person every time I’m around them. They push me to control my frustration, they force me to use patience (that’s the worst!) and they are constantly reminding me the definition of “humility.” High school kids can see through a person unlike anyone else. They know if you are being genuine. They know if you are putting on an act. Why? I don’t know, maybe because everyone in high school is pretending to be someone they’re not. Mostly I love my high school friends so much because I was at my lowest at their age. I was so lost back then. I was searching for love and passion in all the worldly. I know how much those years can suck, even for the people who look like they have it all together. THAT is why I love Young Life. I feel a deep calling to high school folks. I spend as much time as I can around them. They have made a greater impact on my life than I could ever hope to make on theirs. God has made me to love on these high school kids the way that He loves them.

What has He made YOU to love?

Maybe you love to sing, and you’re good at it. Or you can paint a really beautiful picture. Or maybe you can stand up in a room full of people and speak and THEY LISTEN… please, teach me. Maybe you really enjoy writing. Or maybe you can make people laugh in a way that they forget about all the junk in their lives.

What can you do that makes you the happiest? I believe that whatever it may be that makes you the gladdest… THAT is your thing. Do that thing. Do it every day! Share it with people. Let it overcome you. The Lord has a very specific plan for your life. He has whispered inside you a wonderful, beautiful, splendid thing. Whatever it is that He is wishing you to do and to be, run with it! And let your life be your testimony. We should all be living a life that makes the Gospel attractive to other people.

“Help me, Oh God, to listen to what it is that makes my heart glad and to follow where it leads. May joy, not guilt, Your voice, not others, Your will, not my willfulness, be the guides that lead me to my vocation. Help me to unearth the passions of my heart that lie buried in my youth. And help me to go over that ground again and again until I can hold in my hands, gold and treasure, Your calling on my life. Amen.” -Ken Gire

our love lives

Over the past couple of months, a few of my Young Life girls and I have been reading the book called “When God Writes Your Love Story” by Eric and Leslie Ludy. I am not kidding when I say it has changed my attitude towards so many things other than just my view on my love life. I only wish I had read it years sooner. I would absolutely recommend this book to everyone. Whether you are male or female, married or single, in your teens or in your forties… read it. Because God very much cares about our love life and He has a plan for it. It’s not something we need to take into our own hands. We can’t do things our way, and then ask God to bless it. It’s so much easier and more beautiful when we give God the pen to our love story and trust Him to write it and direct it.

My past with dating is not a pretty one and, unfortunately, my past is a lot like a lot of yours. I looked for happiness and fulfillment in the guys that I was dating. I was going from one relationship to another, giving each of them a piece of me until I had nothing left. I was emotionally and physically dependent on them. But I was never fulfilled like God meant for me to be. And while I was busy trying to find joy in my dating relationships, God was waiting for me to realize that I will never be ready for a relationship until He is the love of my life. And that is true for all of you. God is not just our Savior to save us from going to hell. He is the Lord of our life. It is not about working Him into our lives between work, school, friends, hobbies, etc. It’s about working our lives around Him, every aspect of it.

When you think of being a “good” Christian and dating, you usually think of two things. One, date other Christians. Two, don’t have sex before marriage. But having a fruitful, God-centered relationship is about so much more than just those two things. Living a set apart life for God is the most rewarding thing you could do in your life. Every where we go, we are tempted to look and act like every one else. The world tells us that sex and lust are normal. But let me tell you… that is not normal. And it’s not fun either! I have been there, I know. No matter how many times we have sex or hear the words “I love you”, it is empty if it’s not connected to the God who invented true love. He is the author of the greatest love story that ever was.

One of the biggest things that I got from “When God Writes Your Love Story” is the idea that not only should we be living a Christ-honoring life, but also we should be living in a way that is honoring to our future spouse.

“Then ask yourself this question: If my future spouse followed me around throughout the day, every day of my life, would he or she feel cherished and adored by me as I interact with the opposite sex? Would he or she feel loved by my actions or feel hurt that I am giving away what belongs to only my future spouse?”

You may or may not know the person that you are going to marry. They may already be in your life, or you might meet them ten years from now. But isn’t it exciting to know that they are somewhere in the world right now, doing something. And we should be aching with the desire to honor them. If it is in God’s plan that I am one day to be married, I want to try my hardest to prove to my future husband that he is the love of my life. The way we live our lives now is setting us up for the best possible marriage we can have. Since I have made the decision to live in a way that cherishes my future husband, I am a thousand times more excited about marriage than before. I can not wait to be married and experience all the things that God intended for us to experience in the covenant of marriage.

I could rant and rave about this book all day long, and honestly there was so much more that I wanted to include in this post. But the biggest advice I can give to you is to go buy this book. If you can’t afford it or whatever the case may be, let me know. I will buy one for you. Or you can borrow my copy. Just read it!

my weekly muse

I look forward to one day every week… Thursday. Thursday is tough competition for Sunday as best day of the week, let me tell ya! Thursday nights at 7, we have campaigners. If you don’t know what campaigners is, it’s a time where we get to hang out with our Young Life friends and talk about God and go through His Word. Sometimes there is 3 of us, and sometimes there is 15 of us! It’s awesome! And once we are done at campaigners, we scoot on down to Davidson College for their praise and worship. It. Is. The. Best

(Sorry for the blurry picture, but if you have never been, I wanted you to get a mental picture of what I’m about to rant about.)

Those of us who are going, meet in Troutman at 9 and then head down to Summit Coffee Co. in downtown Davidson. The praise and worship doesn’t start until a little after 10, so we always have some down time. Once we have drank our coffee and eaten the last bite of that delicious banana nut muffin, we make the short walk to the church on Davidson’s campus. We grab a song sheet and claim our pew. After a while the chapel is full of college and high school kids, most I have no idea who they are… but we are all there for the same reason.

The musicians up front pray and get started. The next hour is the best hour of my week. A church full of people with like minds and all around the same age worship together with no regard for anything but praising our God. Some people sing at the stop of their lungs, some don’t sing at all, some pray, some dance. It’s the best. Sorry have I already said that?

For that hour, I get to lose myself completely to Him. I forget about all the worldly junk in my life and I get to be lost in His Presence. It’s basically a mix between therapy and a deep tissue massage. I leave Davidson refreshed and more aware. If you are reading this and thinking “Man, that sounds awesome. I would love to go to that.” First, you’re right… it’s crazy awesome. Second, COME! I am cordially inviting you to meet me in Troutman this Thursday at 9, to get in my car and join us! It will change your week.

Below I attached a link to one of my favorite songs that we sing at Davidson. You’re welcome!

pioneering & quieting

This past weekend, 13 of our Young Life kids, 4 leaders and myself spent a luxurious 2 days at Pioneer Plunge. Now if you know anything about Pioneer Plunge, you know that I am being incredibly sarcastic. Let me give you a mental picture. Plunge is a small, holed cabin that has no running water and no electricity. It sits virtually in the middle of nowhere, where we have to hike about a mile to get to.

With that being said, it is one of my favorite places in the whole world. Yes, it never got above freezing. And yes, it did snow sideways for a bit. But it is a safe place that we were able to get away to, to unplug from our hectic lives and really learn the importance of quieting ourselves. I never had to look at my phone and check to see who has called or sent me a text. I didn’t feel the urge to go on Facebook or Twitter. It was awesome! It made me feel so silly though. I mean why did I have to come out to a bare, secluded cabin in the woods to be reminded that I need more alone time with my Father. Without silence and solitude, I am making it so hard to have a relationship with Him.

Quieting the world around me and myself is just not one of my strong suits. Most of the time I am being pulled in 7 different directions at once. God knows I am no good at it, but I keep trying. It is a constant effort on my behalf to slow down and listen to Him. It is far too easy to get caught up in day-to-day life, and feel like I have to do everything (if you know me at all, you know the word “no” is just not in my vocabulary.) But in Psalms 23, David writes “The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters. He refreshes my soul.” God reminds us over and over in the Bible that we don’t have to worry about anything. How great is that! Now let’s all try listening, waiting, stillness and silence.

“Retire from the world each day to some private spot, even if it be only the bedroom (for a while I retreated to the furnace room for want of a better place.) Stay in the secret place till the surrounding noises begin to fade out of your heart and a sense of God’s presence envelopes you… Listen for the inward Voice till you learn to recognize it. Stop trying to compete with others. Give yourself to God and then be what and who you are without regard to what others think… Learn to pray inwardly every moment. After a while you can do this even while you work… Read less, but more of what is important to your inner life. Never let your mind remain scattered for very long. Call home your roving thoughts. Gaze on Christ with the eyes of your soul. Practice spiritual concentration. All of the above is contingent upon a right relation to God through Christ and daily meditation on the Scriptures. Lacking these, nothing will help us; granted these, the discipline recommended will go far to neutralize the evil effects of externalism and to make us acquainted with God and our own souls.” (The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer)